I realize I've taken a departure from actually writing about science fiction in a blog I initially dedicated to writing about science fiction. And this post is no exception. Sorry to those who may be looking forward to my sci-fi rants. I'll get back to it. I promise.
Being a parent scares the hell out of me.
I'm sure I'm not the first, nor the last, to express this statement. But this is what has been weighing on my mind lately since I will be a father to three teenagers in less than two years and four in less than 6 years. I can almost simultaneously hear groans from those who have not experienced parenting teenagers and chuckles from those who have. I'm just not quite prepared to move on to this stage in life.
Now, I've heard of the raging hormones, the rebellious escapades, the binge-like appetites and even, dare I say it, dating. I've considered most other possible aspects of teenager-related behavior and, honestly, I feel I can handle those scenarios.
It helps to have a loving, intelligent wife who is better with kids than I am. And it also works to my advantage to have resources like my mother and in-laws to assist in the process as well. I know I am not alone in handling the teenager years and I am thankful for that, but there is one issue I simply cannot accept and can see many dark days and sleepless nights that will be caused by this issue.
My tremendous fear is this: I fear for my children's loss of innocence.
The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that one of the main reasons we enjoy and cherish not only our kids, but children in general, is to witness this golden aura we call 'innocence.' I love seeing this in children, in particular, my own. They simply live freely. Freer than you or me. The innocence of a child is such an unadulterated expression of joy and happiness, it is simply unsurpassed by any adult because at some point, that innocence disappears. And then we 'grow up,' as they say. And I suppose I am jealous of that innocence and wish I still possessed the freedom that came with it.
Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about innocence in a sexual way, but innocence in the sense that things and people and the world and life is simple and can be separated in terms of black and white, right and wrong. It is the recognition of the darkness in the universe that eventually infects our once-cheery outlook on our surroundings that becomes the assassin of naivete. And I fear I will have to see my children suffer through that transition.
I recognize it is part of life and they need to experience that and become a 'full person' as they grow up. But it the acceptance of such that I find impossible to digest. I want my kids to stay young. And perhaps by witnessing their youth firsthand, I, too, can remain young.
I have to go now. My son wants to have a Pokemon battle with me. I will weep when I truly bury the innocence of my child. But, until then, I can savor its last breaths.
